Monday, February 21, 2011

little heart breaks buffered by joy and kindness

1. Go ahead, dear Lizzie. Number your thoughts.

2. Still raining.

3. The Girl is at her dad's. I got her there before he finished teaching his last class of the day. i found a daughter in my house when i came home!

it was a wonderful surprise!

4. The rain will turn to ice later.

5. I may decide it's not a good idea to drive north two hours in this wet, slick weather on unfamiliar roads with my terrible sense of direction, no GPS (because where's the fun in that? Most of the time), mediocre night vision .... I'll just keep in touch with the MFA representatives, ask my questions through email, if I have any. The Open House is not required, though I'd like to meet Stephen Haven.

6. This Saturday, our band boosters are hosting a "ball." The jazz band and alumni jazz band (the Blue Knights and the Rusty Knights) will play from 7 to 11. My daughter isn't in jazz band this year. Last year, I couldn't tolerate the thought of attending a ball though she played keyboards for the group. Her daddy attended. I'd been to almost every other performance in which she played since I worked on the pit crew (hauled stationary percussion instruments around. Was great fun last year. This year I quit because it, well, wasn't fun). Last year, the ball like a romantic sort of event, and though I have much love in my life, I have no romance, not that kind of romance. I think I'll go this year. I've been reclusive and have pulled back a lot on my volunteer work. I'm baking cookies for the dinner and have offered (because I'm an idiot) to cook if my friend who is in charge of food needs me to.

7. My band booster buddy has been so kind to me. She is emailing me instead of calling me because she knows a) I hate the phone, b) I have a tendency to turn off the ringer on the land line and/or turn my cell phone to silent.

8. I really am quite a brat.

9. I am trying to connect with someone else for her. She's needing an approximate head count so that she knows how much food she needs to get donated.

10. I don't envy her.

11. She invited me to sit at her table with her and her husband.

12. Yes, I think I will. She makes me laugh.

13. Three minutes after I was laughing at her emails, I checked Facebook and saw a post by a young friend. She and my daughter are (or used to be) quite close. A's mother died two years ago tomorrow.

14. I was in the airport in Texas two years ago when my daughter sent me the text with this news. I was returning home from a good friend's funeral. I'd spent a week with my friend's family as a gift to myself and to them. Something about me (I never quite figured out what) calmed them and gave them a place to store the words they needed to say but couldn't seem to say to anyone else. Maybe that was it. Maybe it was that I'd been through the loss of a mother, loss of a father, knew their mother so well and loved her deeply, understood a lot of what they were experiencing.

15. February 2009 was a sad month.

16. I am listening to music this afternoon.

17. Oh. Wait. It's evening.

18. It still rains.

19. I'm listening to a duo known as the Civil Wars. Singer-song writers. Lovely stuff.

20. Time to quit and work on some essays or read my friend's manuscript.

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