Monday, August 29, 2011

first day

It's the first day of school for our district. Since my child is at her dad's this week, I missed the first morning flurry of activity (and possible panic). Sent my lovely Girl a few texts, though, well before 7 a.m.

things/lessons/commands/orders/demands (to the You of mySelf):

- stop posting so much on the MFA discussion boards. no one is reading your posts. you can write them up for yourself because studying the poems is helping you, but it's not necessary for you to share all of your thoughts with everyone. pretend you are a shy underclassman again.

- it's all right that your mentor can't remember your first name. he remembers your poems and complimented you about them in his latest post and in his summer residency evaluation. in this relationship, you don't matter; your work matters. He sees the work. That's what matters.

- it's OK that you "broke protocol." you're fucking helping to pay his salary. just pretend he's not a semi-famous poet and force him to be more accessible. be assertive for the first time in your life. you're paying for the right.

- stop trying to write poems and write poems.

- don't let the drama surrounding that private situation distract you from your work.

- don't forget to prepare for the workshops you're teaching that start on Sept. 19. They should be great fun if you can get any kids to sign up .

- really, you must start going to bed earlier even if you can't sleep. really.

- let yourself write poems that may not fall into the categories that your mentor requires for the first packet. even if you weren't in this program, you would be writing poems.

- take advantage of your invisibility and use it as a powerful tool to learn.

- breathe.

- when you need a break from writing, clean the house; get rid of all the dust. It's going to be a hard autumn when it comes to allergies. you've already spent way more time wheezing than you expected. It's been a long time since asthma has been a problem.

- know that the wacky Walmart poem you've been spending so much time drafting is not a bad poem. it's simply rough.

- go pet the kitty. he'll reduce your heart rate and help you to focus.

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