Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Unsolicited Advice to One's Melancholy Self on a Rainy Day before the next Snowy Day in Ohio

1. Only leave the house to run errands meant to prevent fines or late fees.

2. Remember to pull up the hood on your coat so that your fat, gray braid doesn't soak up too much water and drench the back of your sweater later when you're in from the cold.

3. Avoid stepping in the puddles that are more like ponds or swamps with your right foot since that boot has sprung a leak, and you'll find your right sock drenched and your right toes cold when you remove said boot later after you're in from the cold.

4. Enter and exit the detached garage through the side door instead of through the main garage door to avoid drowning in the deep, deep sea the sidewalk between the walkway and the driveway has become.

7. Don't worry about convoluted sentences when the world is this wet. The rain will wash away all the excess.

8. Stop chipping away at the ice at the end of your driveway. It's defeated you. And that's okay. It's going to snow again tomorrow, anyway, and you'll have to start all over.

9. Go ahead and bury your face in the cat's fur, listen to him purr, forgive him for barfing on the carpet after he got into something on top of the refrigerator not designed for middle-aged kitties' bellies.

10. Change your wet sock, if you didn't manage to avoid the puddles that are more like ponds with that right boot; your foot is cold.

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